u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
