she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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