he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
