Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
