I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
