Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
