dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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