Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
