"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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