i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
