she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
