I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Even my vagina gasped.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
