somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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