oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
