I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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