i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ruined the universe
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
