It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
