Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
