that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
