Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
