I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
