Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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