No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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