I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
