A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
