I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
