The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
