my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
