exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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