Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
