haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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