I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
