Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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