Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
