the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
