apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
