Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
PANTIES FOUND
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