my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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