It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
