my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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