We named our party play list daddy issues
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
