I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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