The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
