he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
