i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
