i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
