I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
