What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
