whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
