She is in my trunk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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