Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Alive.
So much puke
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
