Apparently you make a good broom.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
