smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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