We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
