my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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