Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
