I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
