My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
