Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
