But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
